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Journal

Parenting, relationshipping, traveling, money, mindset, attitude, eating, love, ideas, introspections, hobbies, eating, living.

Life is Not a Balance Sheet

 

Karma. An eye for an eye. Tooth for a tooth. You pay for what you get. What goes around comes around. Relationships are 50/50. Karma is a bitch. Blah blah blah.

For my 24th birthday, I got my first tattoo. It's a boomerang on my inner left wrist. It's a regular reminder of energetic karma, of what goes around comes around. What we put out, energetically, comes back to us 10 fold. 

While handwriting some truths this morning from Tryary.com, it slapped me in the face that life is not a balance sheet. I've used this arbitrary justification with myself to make somethings okay, such as lending someone money and not being paid back. I've held onto this notion of "oh, this bonus is being paid to me by the universe because ____ owes me $XXXXX.XX from X years ago." Is that how it works? No. It's not a math equation that balances out to a finite answer. 

Relationships are not 50/50. Is putting in 50% fair to yourself, and to the other person? Do you want 50% put into a relationship? Each party owns 100% of the relationship. Each party owns 100% of their part of the relationship. EACH PERSON OWNS 100% OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Sad because someone hasn't called you? Call them. Bummed because you haven't been invited out for drinks in a while? Cast out an invite. Take action. Life rewards those that get out of their comfort zones and take action. Good things come to those who go out and get it. 

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a word that's been tossed around for many years in my life, increasingly more for the last few months, yet ... it's like a somersault. Dancing. How do you do it? What are the steps? Is there a manual, a how-to guide? Is there a Facebook page I can follow to get this accomplished? Can I make a list to cross off and feel forgiveness and release? This is how I process things, typically. There aren't a lot of people in my life that I talk things out with, so inner processing holds quite a lot of importance at this stage.

I was writing in a notebook in which I've listed out some dollar values and an agreement to be repaid by someone that's no longer in my life. I know in my heart of hearts, I won't see a penny from them. I'm letting that be okay. Holding onto the anger from it is like swallowing poison, it only hurts me. It helps no one. Thousands of dollars gone from my accounts, but also immeasurable values in lessons learned on trust, intuition, intention, compromise, self respect, money management, contractualities, trusting others, trusting yourself, decision making, love, responsibility. The arbitrary balance sheet I've been maintaining in my head for all this time will never see the credits back, but my life has been made richer from the lessons learned from the experience. For it, I am now grateful, instead of angry and regretful. 

Being a Taurus and at my core, I am driven by the security, luxury, stability and choices to have a nice life that money provides. The abundance of money gives us feelings of elation, choice, security, happiness, love, providing for others, generosity, joy, excitement ... isn't it what most of us want in this life? Surprisingly, no, it's not. If you watch the behaviors of most, they operate in fear. Fear of what others think. Fear of what bill will pop in the mail. Fear of losing their house. Fear of being homeless. Fear of getting sick. These things come about because it's what many think about, day in and day out. So they eat junk food. They skip a car payment or a mortgage payment. They shop to pass the time and fill the voids. They don't open the mail. What we think about, comes about. Abundant people receive checks in the mail. Take action to positively improve their health. Greet others with a warm smile and giving heart. And in return, make the most of their lives and receive blessings in abundant forms. This is the basis of the Law of Attraction.

The last two years have brought to light very heavy needs to forgive and to shift my way of thinking and feeling about the past, so that I can clear the way to create the future I so deeply desire. A life of abundance, love, happiness, joy, luxuries, generosity, traveling, helping others on an exponential scale. 

Life is about giving forward, accepting in gratitude, and using our past experiences as fuel to better our present and future. Life is growth. Life is abundance. Life is change. It doesn't add up at the end, and wouldn't it be quite a bore if it did? 

Live good, live well. 

Beth Derrick