W.A., 20s Female, Single-Divorced, Hawai'i

Curious about others experiences in dating and relationships, I posted some questions out on Facebook in early September 2017 to collect stories from a wide range of hearts and experiences in love. This is one of many:

+ Are you happy in your current status? Why or why not?
I guess right now I am content. I am trying to spend time soul searching and making time for myself. Would love to find someone though..

+ Do you view marriage as a destination or a journey?
 think more of a destination.

+ If divorced, when did you know it wasn't going to be till death do we part?
Honestly, I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t the right move to get married. I met my ex-husband through his dad who was a local customer of mine at the bar I worked at. We went on one date and he had asked me to marry him. We spent a week glued to each others hip. He left back for North Carolina (where he was stationed) and I joined him shortly after. We spent a month together before we got married. I was so nervous and scared to tie the knot with basically a stranger. I thought I could make it work though. It was a lot harder than I anticipated. We fought about EVERYTHING: Spending habits, personal habits, how to spend free time, how to decorate the home, etc. He started spending more time with his friends and the more he did that the more we fought. When we fought it wasn’t just bickering. He had a VERY violent temper. I eventually found hidden messages on his phone with him and another woman and pornagrafic images and videos. When I confronted him about it I was told to “Get the fuck over it, or get the fuck out.” So I made the decision to get on the next flight out. 

+ If single, do you go out on dates often? Why or why not, and do you want to have a different answer? 
I have been out with three guys since I have moved to Hawaii in June. Would like to go on more dates but with high caliber guys. (Which is hard to find in Hawaii lol)

+ If single, what do you experience in society? Are you purposefully and happily single, or do you feel pressured to seek a partner?
Seeing happy couples makes me feel more pressed to find someone.

+ Does religion, family or culture play a role in your dating approach? 
Definitely plays a role in my dating approach. I want to date someone with similar views to my own. I don’t think its possible to successfully date someone with different fundamental values from your own.

+ What do you want from being coupled that you do not feel when single?
I guess I just want the companionship. I want to share my life’s experiences with someone. Have someone to raise a family with. Have someone to create traditions with. Have someone to grow old with.


Beth Derrick